Avoiding a Challenging Conversation? Make the Invisible Visible!

Avoiding a difficult conversation? Be honest. Most of us have done it at some point.

We realize that we need to discuss an issue, but we feel concerned that the recipient won’t understand. We may fear that it won’t be received well. We often don’t know where to start.

In my executive coaching work, I often hear a “preamble” of sorts. When I ask why leaders might be avoiding a discussion. I hear things like:

• I am concerned that I will damage the relationship and what I want is to clear the air and improve the connection.
• I don’t want to come across as arrogant, but I want to add some facts that I am not sure they know.
• I don’t want them to feel unappreciated for what they are doing already, but I have a strong request for them.

My coaching is almost always the same: “Tell them exactly what you just said to me as the start to the conversation… use that as the starting place”.  In other words, make the invisible dialogue in your head visible to the other person. Tell them that you are concerned how it will be received. Tell them if you are worried that you will sound too petty or trivial.  Saying these things can be a powerful opening to a breakthrough conversation.

You should also come prepared for how that person will receive your message. You can do this by asking yourself these key questions before you meet:

• What are my most important purposes/concerns here?
• What purposes/concerns do I have that are in the way of us having an authentic conversation…and of which they may not be aware?
• How can I include my more human purposes/concerns as a way to draw us closer together as we tackle this issue?

Then put the preamble exactly where it belongs…at the beginning of a powerfully new and connected conversation!

Need help preparing for a conversation? Consider reaching out to us for executive coaching. Click here and we will be in touch.